Be Comfortable With You: Learning to accept what you can and cannot change will bring you happiness

Scientists would have you believe happiness is a neurological state of mind. A state of mind that consists of a cocktail of energy and adrenaline releasing molecules. Molecules like Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphin, when delivered in the right dosage can create feelings of euphoria and contentment. Scientists also believe that there is no one true formula when it comes to happiness. I agree with them. If you are looking for some kind of outward placebo or aid that enables your happiness you will never find it. Trying to explain happiness through science is like trying to explain love through science. Sure there are chemical and biological indicators that our bodies give off when we experience emotions like love and happiness but these are what I like to call STEM REACTIONS. These Stem Reactions are just tangible manifestations of an intangible process. Stem Reactions - Chemical and Biological responses to emotional situations. Stem Reactions are often confused for the emotion itself. The feeling associated with the emotion causes people to assume they are synonymous. The headache anger causes you is not apart of anger. It is a stem reaction to the emotional stress your body is undergoing. Emotions are traumatic. Stem Reactions show a physical manifestation of an otherwise intangible concept. But happiness isn’t a FEELING word. Like Love it is action based, motivated and operated. I have been in a place where I could feel love around me. I felt content with my living space and the people in it, yet I did not feel true happiness. For a long time I wasn’t sure why. I mean, what does happiness look like? What does it sound like, taste like? How can one quantify something immeasurable? Well, I had to start by defining happiness. What I mean is, I had to define what happiness meant to ME. The Thesaurus uses words like euphoria, satisfaction, cheerfulness, jubilation. I get that. What I didn’t understand though was what is the source. I know how I’m supposed to feel when I’m happy. I’ve felt all of the aforementioned emotions at some point. Nothing has ever been consistent. I’ve never been able to suspend those moments and stretch them over my lifetime. From what I can tell no one truly has. People find moments of peace. We hold on to memories of happiness because we know they are fleeting. That angered me. The thought of having a knuckle white grip on something as elusive as happiness, knowing inevitably like water sliding between your fingers…you can’t hold on. Accepting that was out of the question. I know we can’t all drink a potion that magically takes our woes away. I do know we can change how we perceive and receive the world around us by understanding ourselves better and how we relate to our surroundings. People, places, animals, thoughts, things…without your values, none of it matters. Only what matters to you matters. Does that make sense? Let me say it like this. Two people are given 5 dollars. They are each told they can get whatever they want as long as they don’t exceed the amount given. One person buys 5 items for a dollar each and the other, buys 1 item for 5 dollars. Given the same tool they used it differently and got different results. We all have the necessary tools to make us happy. You just have to discover the best way to use them for YOU! That’s what I am trying to do. That is what I am trying to help others do. Trying to help you piece together your formula for happiness. You can’t truly be happy with your life and yourself until you have a firm grasp of you are and you are comfortable with that person. I hear some use the word comfortable like it is derogatory. They say comfort leads to complacency. I say all things lead to complacency if you remain inactive. Comfort in who you are is peaceful. Being able to look at yourself on the most disgusting of mornings and still smile at the person grimacing back at you. I don’t want to just say I love me. I want to mean it. So when life hits me with all the reasons to hate myself and my existence, the small voice inside me that knows my worth will remind me of my value. The problem is our overly aggressive media platform consistently teaches humans to emphasize their flaws by “fixing” them. I can’t be the only one who notices the adverse effect certain body modifying procedures have. Its like no one had a problem with Kylie’s lips until she had work done. Now it’s all anyone can talk about. So before the only negative attention she received about her lips was from herself and maybe a few insecure people deflecting. After having injections she is the butt of the world’s jokes. I am not picking on Kylie Jenner at all. I personally think she is beautiful with or without the modifications. Yet as beautiful as she is, she doesn’t seem entirely comfortable with who she is. Most of us aren’t. We do an amazing job lying to ourselves. So well, the lies we tell, become the truth we promote. I’m just like everyone else. Insecurities sneak up on me or sometimes straight donkey punch me in the throat. I’m like "ew" to this and "ugh" to that. At the same time, I’m laughing at the cellulite on my legs and just thinking I could be out here legless. Let me put these shorts on and not give a damn! Seems small right? Almost all women have had to deal with cellulite and most just ignore it. For me it was a huge deal. I didn’t start wearing shorts that weren’t basketball related until I was in my late twenties. I was so concerned with how my untoned legs would look to everyone else I remained super uncomfortable. Wearing jeans in the summer, almost dying from heatstroke…for what? Nobody was concerned when I didn’t wear the shorts and no one cared after I started wearing them. Well, that isn’t entirely true. I got a lot of compliments, because it turns out, I have some pretty nice legs. It wasn’t until I was comfortable with myself that others started to recognize it too. Self-confidence is attractive. Someone who is unapologetically themselves, one hundred percent of the time, is so refreshing. Did I mention how freeing it is? Listen, be authentic. I have watched so many people attempt happiness and change but they are so unreal with themselves. They recognize their mistakes and weaknesses. They know what they need to do to change and even offer others advise. When its time to look at the Man in the Mirror, the lies you tell everyone else become the lies you tell yourself. Be real with you. Challenge yourself. Ask yourself questions. Whatever makes you uncomfortable about yourself find the root. I believe in bread crumbs. Clues we drop along the way in this journey through life that can help us find our way back if we stray too far off course. There is always a cause, always a root and always a path back to the source. Internal dialogue is so important in finding true happiness. Who are you with 100% of the time? Who hears and sees your dirty thoughts and deeds before anyone else? Who knows every lie you tell before you tell it and helps you deny the truth? You do. If another person knew as much about you as yourself you would never let them out of your sight. You would question every move they make pertaining to you. So why not treat yourself the same. The amount of secrets between You and You should have shattered any borders or boundaries a long time ago. Stop self-disassociating. When you detach from yourself it makes it easier to fracture your identity and further your crisis. I don’t know how else to say it. I feel like I should be scribing this message in blood. I can’t shake the sense no one will take this as seriously as they should in plain text. But it is here. For all to see and hopefully understand. If you aren’t really comfortable with you then who are you seeking happiness for? How do we bring this challenge to fruition? Today you are tasked with finding one thing about yourself you are uncomfortable with. It can be in relation to anything, but find that one thing and embrace it head on. If you hate the way your legs look in skinny jeans, go buy a pair in secret and walk around your room or house in them until you get used to seeing yourself in them. You shouldn’t do something or not do something because of fear of opinion. The court of public opinion is unfair, unsolicited and more often than not…inaccurate. Embrace what you hate about you today. You’ll be happier for it tomorrow. “I think self-knowledge is a key to happiness. We can build happy lives only on the foundation of our own natures, our own values, and our own interests” (Gretchen Rubin). If this article resonated with you please comment and share your thoughts. I would love to hear how you've learned to love yourself, flaws and all. Let me know what you think Weirdies!!

#selflove #selfacceptance #solitude #strength #pure #love #selfesteem #embrace #energy