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Have you ever felt this, this thing that emanates between us? It’s bigger than either you or me. It scares me. Because it bares me. Exposing my hidden and hiding my exposed. I feel predisposed to loving you. I have no choice in the matter. Fate had a conversation with the universe. The universe had to convert stations and place you near to her. I felt displaced when imagining you with her. Seeing how you held her , spoke to her, how you moved with her. What you do with her, how you have no problem acting a fool with her. I remain isolated by my own unrequited love. Asking myself why can’t I disguise it. What if God reprises, but casts me as the lead. What if this moment in passing will lead you here to me. Should I stay here? Just lay here, in this place where…I feel care but not cared for. I feel love but don’t share more. Just these musings inspired by music. Love songs that sing to my soul, lyrics I swear are my own secret prose. Words written by my hand but too elusive to hold. Their truth feels real until I flip over the mask and realize it is just a mold. Do I dawn it or dis own it? My mind wants to move forward. My heart and feet do not oblige. They still root for our love with no connection to the vine. Still mine, they say. Still yours, they pray. Still waters run deep, so if I wade in this water does that make me…still your slave. How else can I describe it. What else is left to confide if, everything I’ve said thus far has fallen on deaf ears. No, I mean fallen on death’s ears. Perhaps in another life we can be reincarnated as one. Combining our souls like that of the Moon & Sun. Destined to be together, we can’t BE as one. Yet I feel the only way for us to be together is if we BREATH as one. How do I step inside of you? I search for an opening to abide in you. I know it is worth losing my mind in you. The treasure of existing is what I find in you. My life force, you are. The red string that connects me to all things inherently you and inherently me. I lay stretched out against your proverbial bosom. You embrace me with your warmth assuaging the doubts of my insecurity. My insecurities…You tell me in securer beings, there is no room for self doubt. So I manipulate my faith to believe in security what securely makes me, me. The things I cannot change; yet they change me. The intellect of my pain, what it all means. The cadence of my feet, when my ego and God meet. The race in my pulse, how it runs with the beat. Is it true that when you find love you find yourself, because I feel lost. Forgotten and dismissed like early morning thoughts and late night talks and midday walks that lead to nowhere but stop everywhere along the way. I rant and I rave. I scream as each waves, buries my face in the high of you. I’m so high off you. I feel high. No boost to my energy, just a recognizing that I’m high. Off you. On you. Switching back and forth, trying to die off from you. The spark remains and makes it harder to lie. But I do. I say I’m cool with our friendship, while my mind screams, “Fool!” Your smile says, “I believe you," but your eyes, “not true”. Does that mean you share my sentiment or are you high off me like I’m high off you? Are we placebos, jonesin’ for the next sugar rush? That’s it…it’s just lust. Just me wanting you, wanting you wanting us. Just a kiss. Just a touch. Just a feeling. That’s just enough. An echo in my spirit chuckles and sings, “Good luck.” “I’ve only known things to start…never end with a fuck.”

~Kali~

#idgaf #relationships #poetry #poem #ranting #sun #moon #lust #love