Teach Them How to Treat You: "If they don’t know they’re pissing you off how can they stop?&qu

Tony Gaskins (@TonyGaskins), said "You teach people how to treat you by what you all, what you stop and what you reinforce. Be careful what you teach." It took me years to fully understand the power in his words. I've learned, you create your world with your words. Allow me to share my experience with you.

One of the most annoying things in the world is having someone mad at you and you have no clue why they’re upset. When you ask, they say, “Figure it out” or “You should know”. The whole time you’re thinking, “If I knew I wouldn’t be asking”. We love handing people a Rubik’s Cube of our emotions and frustrations and watching them struggle to find a solution. Why, oh why, do you have to make everything so difficult? You don’t like when So and So does A or B? Say that. You don’t like your wife’s meatloaf? Say that. You don’t want to watch football with him for the third Sunday in a row? SAY THAT! I understand if you are trying to avoid hurting feelings. We have been conditioned to lie to each other so we think telling the truth is cruel. If you ask me, if you look fat in those jeans, I’m going to be honest. If your thighs look like biscuits popping out of a can, I am going to tell you that. If you feel fat, say you feel fat. Don’t ask me how you look and then punish me for my honesty. You want someone to make you feel beautiful? Make yourself feel beautiful. Compliment yourself. Or verbalize your insecurity and let the compliment be more organic and less coerced. If you want to be accepted, say that. If you want to be pampered, say that. If you want to be left alone. SAY THAT. Don’t have an attitude and allow me to walk into a mine field without so much as a warning. We expect so much understanding and compassion without offering the benefit of guidance or preference. Learning to love someone is a process. It has very little to do with how you feel. It has everything to do with what you do. It is an action word. So if you tell someone their actions are effecting you negatively, if they love you they’ll change (if it’s in their realm to). If they don’t change how they treat you it is a clear indication of how they have you prioritized in their life. That makes it easier for you to prioritize their current role in your life. Let me be clear. As I see the mental cogs cranking and the smoke starting to billow. Teaching someone how to treat you does NOT mean you control them or their behavior. Teaching someone how to treat YOU is only in regard to how their actions and decisions directly effect YOU. You can’t tell them to take cream in their coffee just because that’s what you like. The purpose isn’t to create a puppet. It is to cut through the layers of BS we find ourselves buried under in relationships. You want him/her to automatically know what is going on in your mind and heart. Only you know that, unless you decide to voice those internal concerns. You can’t punish someone for committing a crime they didn’t know was a crime. Do you realize how much happier you would be if you just told people what you like and don't like? How you feel and don’t feel, instead of walking around with an emotional fly swatter ready to swing at anyone who gets too close. I used to be so angry at the world! I felt like I had done everything for my family. I felt like I strapped them to my back and shouldered the weight of all of our burdens not just my own. I spent years giving, taking, caring, loving and I felt they never were appreciative of all I’d done. I blamed my family for me not being able to enjoy my twenties the way I thought I should. I said it was my mother’s fault that I had to take care of her and our family. My words were harsh. My delivery was abrasive. My emotions were raw and MY MOTHER was devastated. All these years she thought I did those things because I wanted to out of the goodness of my own heart. I had even convinced myself that was my reasoning. Then the real came up. I realized I resented my family. Instead of saying that, I spent years isolated and angry with them. I constantly berated them and myself for opportunities not taken. Then it dawned on me. It was never about missed chances or my family’s well being. It was about me wanting to be the savior for my family. When I felt they didn’t see me or appreciate all I’d given up for them I blamed them for everything wrong in my life. Now I sit and wonder what would have been different had I told them in the beginning how heavy the burden was. I did so much damage to my relationship with my brother’s and mother I was persuaded I was content to be an island unto myself. I wasn’t happy. I was seemingly drama free without them around me but I was discontent. I needed their relationships. I had to repair what I’d broken. I reintroduced myself to my family again. My brother’s and I got to know each other as adults. My mother saw me as a woman and not just her baby girl. I set the perimeters early and often so that past behavior wouldn’t seep in or cloud my judgment. Now we are all best friends. We know when to probe and when to be left alone. Everyday we teach other something new about us and we acclimate because our relationships are more important than our egos. The old adage “if you love me you’ll change," it wasn’t too far off. It should have been “if you love me I’ll change”. The things we love about each other should blossom under our love. The things we dislike about each other will fade away or become acceptable once the love is authenticated and reciprocated. Today’s challenge is simple. Empower your relationships to be successful by providing one another the tools needed to make each other’s quality of life better. If understanding is what you seek, provide a foundation for others to stand on. So, how many of you can relate to what you’ve just read? How many of you have spent years blaming someone else for your life’s choices and your own personal displeasure? Tell me what you think Weirdies. I want to hear from you!!

#treatmeright #relationships #selfhelp #therapy #facevalue #goals #honesty #communication #expressyourself #verbalize #miscommunication #understanding #selfesteem #decisionmaking #choices